EXPECT RESPECT: wisdom via my Italian Momma.
I just can’t IMAGINE. 6 years old. Removed from everything I know. From everything I understand. Language. Customs. The surrounding mountains. Familiar faces.
Brought to a new world. Where warm welcomes are vacant from peoples distant stares. Open hostility preys on my delicate child spirit. Confusion. An unstable existence of misunderstandings, questions and longing for the security of what was.
I just can’t POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. How such a young child would interpret this experience. How the core of her soul might react.
YET SHE FINDS COURAGE IN THE TURMOIL. Adapts. Learns. She has to. The social survival of her immigrant family unbalanced on her young shoulders. Heavy with expectations. Burdened with restrictions.
“I was in grade 9. No matter how hard I tried I could not get a good mark in my English class. So I mustered up the confidence to challenge my teacher on my grades. Her aggressive response was that no immigrant was going to get as good as, or better, grades than a Canadian student. She informed me, with absolute certainty, that I am what I am and will never be anything more.”
My heart felt the pain of her words. Not that she spoke them with sadness. My Mother learned from a very early age to not show weakness. To sweep her emotions under a dirty rug of regret. But as her daughter, as a child powerfully connected to the person who brought her into the world, I could feel the sense of DEFEAT. The violation of her young innocence.
THE SHAKING OF OUR FOUNDATION DOES NOT HAVE TO LEAD TO THE COLLAPSE OF WHO WE ARE.
“You are what you are. And will never be anything more.” No matter the times, or the circumstances, how could anyone say these words to a child? Anger flushed my cheeks.
“In life, Trisha, you have to EXPECT RESPECT. This is what I know. Expect respect from everyone in your life. From your partner, your children, acquaintances, friends, coworkers…everyone. Bring to the world the energy of your confidence. That you are worthy.”
Her words cut through the cold morning air as we walked through her childhood neighbourhood. Shivers of emotions sending goosebumps down my arms. She calmly continued.
“But that is only half the lesson. Remember that while you may EXPECT RESPECT you will not always receive it. Personal strength, through the harshest and most unfair of circumstances, comes from moving forward and forging on even when you are not awarded the respect you know you deserve.”
PERSONAL STRENGTH COMES FROM MOVING FORWARD AND FORGING ON EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT AWARDED THE RESPECT YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE.
Thank you, Mom, for opening up your hurts to help heal my own. Your courage, indomitable spirit and love is a powerful source of inspiration. We teach through who we are. And you are one of my greatest teachers.
Side note: In grade 10, after changing schools, my Momma decided to hand in the same writings from her previous class. She earned A’s and B’s on all of them. A’s and B’s.
