How EXPECTATIONS get in your way.
You will never exceed your expectations (not for long anyway).
That statement resonates with me. I have come to learn that my expectations are how I self-sabotage. I see it in others too (heck, it’s always easier to see self-sabotage in others more than in ourselves).
Here’s how different types of EXPECTATIONS can wreak havoc on our WorkLife Experience.
1. TOO LOW
You are constantly envisioning what could go wrong and believing that if shit could hit the fan…it will. Stories from past negative experiences keep you safe and comfortable from taking risk in the here and now….which reduces your ability to expand your WorkLife Experience in the way you truly want to. You are not necessarily a negative person. Rather you are cautious to the point that it shackles your ability to take risk and create WorkLife Synergy momentum. And as a result you feel frustrated.
Frustration feeds chaos and self-doubt.
2. TOO HIGH
Guilty as charged! Most often the area of trouble I get into (and where I create most of self-induced drama and stress) is anything to do with RELATIONSHIPS. Can you relate? And when my expectations are not met….stories are created. And these stories DO NOT necessarily represent reality but rather a blend of past experience combined with current feelings. It can be blender of self-sabotage emulsifying the joy of the here and now (if you let it).
This happens in both my personal and professional relationships.
Many years ago I spoke for a University Conference and felt it went well. I asked the Meeting Planner for a testimonial--she seemed so pleased with the experience the night of the event! After several follow-ups, she still hadn't responded to my request (or even acknowledged receiving any of my emails). I created an elaborate story in my head that she did not like the keynote and that she was so unhappy she didn't even know how to articulate her feelings in an email.
Have you done this? Created a story about what someone thinks of you? Of your work? Of your existence as a human????
Several years later I ran into this Meeting Planner at another event. Our eyes locked. I was nervous. After all...she HATED me :) With enthusiastic speed she ran over and gave me the biggest hug as she gushed about how that night was one of the best events they have planned and how MY keynote was a big part of that.
Ohhhh. Silly me.
Check YOUR stories.
3. CONTROL
So much of the anxiety, stress and crap we put ourselves through (AKA self-sabotage) is around the control we expect to have. Control over other people, our kids, how the house runs, co-workers, promotions….really anything that life throws at us. In so many of my clients I see how this control thing can get in the way of enjoying life (AKA WorkLife Synergy!). And by the way, when I say control what I mean is our need to have things proceed, turn out and/or develop the way we want it to (or think it should). There’s so much in life that we have NO SAY over. An inability to adapt, be flexible and “roll with the punches” can be extremely detrimental to engineering a fun, productive and fulfilling WorkLife Experience.
In my coaching practice, I spend a great deal of time focusing on this really important LifeTool: Be more curious than committed. This one concept has been a serious game-changer for me. I hope it serves you.
4. EMPTY
Ok. So you say you want to find a stable loving relationship. Or you want to increase your biz sales by $50,000, be promoted to Vice President or spend more time with your family. Yet your actions have you staying home with Netflix over meeting new people, putting off lead generation, not applying for opportunities when they come up and texting clients while your kids tell you about their day.
Are your expectations empty? Empty expectations sound good but lack momentum. They are built on wants and not true beliefs.
Empty expectations are all desire with no discipline.
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO FIND AND MAINTAIN THAT STABLE LOVING RELATIONSHIP?
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO IMPROVE YOUR BUSINESS AND INCREASE REVENUE?
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ACTUALLY TAKE ON A NEW ROLE AT WORK?
DO YOU TRULY, DEEP-DOWN BELIEVE YOU ARE CAPABLE AND WORTHY OF CREATING THE LIFE AND SUCCESS YOU SAY YOU WANT?
Number 4 is the real tricky one because it's hidden beneath lots of layers of our own bullshit and self-preserving instincts. But here’s the thing….when you recognize your core beliefs about what you BELIEVE YOU DESERVE you can actually change them.
Expectations built on BELIEF fuel taking action. Action leads to results.
So, for me, the thought that I will never exceed my expectations (not for long anyway) absolutely rings true. How about for you?
Take the pressure off and lean into a greater sense of calm and focus. Achieving doesn’t have to be so hard. I promise.
As a WorkLife Synergist I help professionals, and audiences, to engineer momentum, fun and fulfillment amongst all the expectations and life challenges. Learn tools to be less stressed and more productive, even in the face of endless stuff-to-do and overwhelm. #yesyoucan
Interested in working together? I offer immersive corporate training sessions, keynote presentations and 1on1 coaching programs. Let's connect!
