Determination and Destiny.
Today I feel this overwhelming and suffocating combination of grit, determination, exhaustion, excitement, lethargy and….confusion. Today is “one of those days”.
You know I talk a lot about clarity and how important it is to Soul-Centred Success. Some days I am not clear at all. Some days I say FUCK gratefulness and affirmations and self-love and instead I buy a bag of chocolate covered almonds and I eat every single one of those high calorie nuggets of momentary satisfaction.
Clarity, like emotions, comes in waves. I am floating on the surface letting the waves take me where I need to go.
I don’t know exactly why I feel this way. I have lots to be grateful for. But I feel it. And to help me through this wave I am writing to you. Because the best therapy is reaching out and sharing. Just like all of you do for me. Your stories, your messages, your thoughts and hearts.
You know I think it’s important to remind myself, and you as well, that YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. Destiny is not created by determination alone. So while my tag line is #yesyoucan (because dammit you really can!) please know that what will be ultimately is a complex combination of your actions mixed in with the flow of the universe. The intricate connections between the elements that make up your life experience. You have enormous influence over the journey but not the outcome.
This is what makes life so delicate. And magical.
This is what explains the birth of your beautiful child. And the untimely death of our amazing friend at 25 years old (we miss you Derek).
This is what explains how a 5 year suffers from Cancer connected to tubes in a hospital. And the enormous success of a person who is so sick with personal pain he takes advantage of and ruins the lives of the people who trust him most.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. Remain determined. Remain open to your destiny. Wave the white flag of control and apprehension.
Stand in front of the persistent waves of the ocean. Sense the power behind all that will be. Accept that their are mysteries to life that will never be answered.
Why didn’t she tell me about these secrets before she passed away?
What am I working so hard to become?
Why didn’t he love me enough to stay, if not for me, for the kids?
Why can’t I forgive?
Sometimes you will never know WHY but with time…you can become at peace with the question.
Clarity is so highly revered….but you know what? Today I feel the CONFUSION. It’s like my soul is begging me to stop trying to figure all that shit out. And as I let go of the expectations of everything clarity stands for I feel the weight of my own self-judgement dissipating.
The waves tease my feet with their cool kisses of calmness. And certainty. Not in what will be but in the truth that we can not possibly know (or be responsible for) everything all the time.
And with that knowledge I feel more clear than I have in a long time.
Thank you for listening. Grateful for you.
