ROCK YOUR LIFE | Week 14

Defeat. Disappointment. Determination.

This week we are dealing with the NAYSAYERS, HATERS and your SENSE OF KNOWING. How many times have you shared an idea or started to do something and experienced resistance or lack of approval that stopped you dead in your tracks (or slowed you down to a snails pace)? We are all, at one time or another, victims of NAYSAYERS and HATERS.

I see a Naysayer as anyone in your life who sucks energy out of your visions, hopes and positive sense of self to alleviate the pain and disappointment they have experienced in their own life. In some cases your biggest Naysayers are the people who love you the most and are trying to "protect you from hurt". Other Naysayers choose to undermine your actions and energy simply because, in your efforts, they recognize a lacking within themselves.

Haters are broken, sad, bitter, resentful people whose actions/words aim to hurt and damage. These people hate in many forms and their actions are incredibly toxic. They need to be treated with compassion and loved from a distance. Their abusive ways, while not to be tolerated, must be seen through a lens of understanding that they are deeply hurting (in ways you can not even imagine).

Who in your life has shown up as a NAYSAYER or HATER? How much power do you give them over your emotions and energy?

n many cases it is much easier to recognize the Haters in our life than the Naysayers. So let's take a closer look at who the Naysayers might be and how you can move forward in the face of those who are not supporting you in living your best life.

Oh how I ADORE that quote! And isn't it true? How many times have you languished over things that have happened or worried about things that will happen or.....spent endless energy on trying to understand the AH-HA moment that will help you know, with deep certainty, what you need to do or who you need to be? This quest for certainty is diminishing your FREEDOM!

Alisha Tatham, an Olympian Performance Coach, does a great job in describing the signs and traits of potential naysayers in your life. Take a read and make notes in your journal on the people who "fit the bill" in each category.

Parents and loved ones who only want what is best for you -- this is the most difficult to distinguish, because in most cases our loved ones really do have our best interests at heart. They want us to be safe, happy and secure yet they forget that not everyone’s definition of these traits are the same. They want you to stick with the job with benefits and a salary while your heart is calling to blaze trails as an entrepreneur (that's just one example). Don’t be the person who puts your dreams on a back burner because you are afraid of rocking the boat with family or care more about their wishes then your own. Make what you want a priority and remember that it is your life to live.

Professional outsiders (such as coaches, bosses, teachers, guidance counsellors, etc.) that define who you are based on what they see -- these are the types who focus on the now instead of giving light to your potential. They pass you over for promotions, they tell you that you are too small for your dreams, they may even belittle your ambition. Tune that noise out. Despite your past and where you currently are, you are meant for more than what others define you as.

Spectators outside of your arena who try to distract you and tear you down -- unfortunately, with the popularity of social media this one is even more predominant. They watch your every move and always have something negative to say or a "suggestion" of how you could have done it better without recognizing your efforts. Although we recognize the intentions of these people and we know better than to take what they say to be true, many times we begin to receive their words and take it on. Why? Because their judgements, criticism and disproval mimic the negative voice within ourselves.

Which leads to the most common naysayer, the voice of the naysayer within ourselves. -- yes, we all have that voice that keeps us small and comfortable. That keeps us afraid to try new things and be open to possibility. If you allow this voice to speak too often, you may just stay exactly where you are and never realize your potential.

No matter what you will always face Naysayers (and Haters). It's just the nature of humans. It's the extent to which you subscribe to what they say and how they make you feel that determines if you are being held back in creating your best life or not. SO HOW MUCH POWER DO YOU GIVE THEM IN YOUR LIFE?

#1 Be open to hearing what they have to say, or the feelings you get when you experience their energy, without becoming what they say and how they make you feel.

Naysayers provide a learning opportunity for you to be self-reflective and constructively critical of what you are doing and how you are doing it. If you feel what they say resonates with you take note and DECIDE if you need to alter how you are behaving or thinking. This involves connecting with your INNER KNOWING and moving forward, on your own terms, based on what you feel is best for you. ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!

#2 Actively grow your support network and surround yourself with people who make your spirit shine.

Spend time with people and groups who help you grow and be the best version of yourself! Many times this involves stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to people in new situations OR it could involve committing to investing more time with the family/friends you love and love to be around. REAL LIVE INTERACTIONS are what you need! Please trust me on this one. You will never get back from hanging with those who make you feel HAPPY wishing you hadn't. Resiliency is nurtured by positive, loving and FUN relationships with others. If you feel you are lacking in this area you must CHOOSE to invest more time and energy in creating it (AKA growing your community).

#3 Be clear on who you are and what your purpose is (do mental exercises to gain resiliency from programs like this one).

Read books, take courses like this one, engage in all forms of health and wellness, have fun with friends, laugh, be silly.....all of these things build your resiliency and confidence. Naysayers have no control over you when you are confidently, and with consistent action, creating your best life. Now that is what I call FREEDOM.

#4 Rely on your Sense of Knowing to make choices that are best for YOU.

There is only one way to know if what you are doing or how you are feeling is right for you--to trust your INNER KNOWING. It's the feeling, deep in your gut, that ALWAYS speaks your truth. The whole world could be screaming the same message to you and if it is not YOUR TRUTH your INNER KNOWING will tell you otherwise. It speaks to you through the feeling of right or wrong and the energy of momentum or resistance. Please, please, please have faith in your intuitions ability to steer you in the right direction (even when logic is trying to convince you to otherwise).

WEEK 14 LoveWork

This week's LoveWork will expand you…use your courage.

NEXT STEPS

List 2 people in your life who are Naysayers and in a paragraph for each describe how they hold you back in living your best life. Include how they make you feel...the ways that you allow them to stop or stall you. Download and complete the attached PDF and email back to me by the end of the week.

NOTE: In some cases this is a very emotional experience because you may come to understand, in new ways, how certain people in your life are holding you back (perhaps people you admire or love). If that's the case remember that people can be Naysayers with an intent of LOVE (they think they are helping by saving you from pain or disappointment). Recognizing how they are impacting living your best life does not mean you need to blame or feel resentment....the goal here is to understand how you are being held back so that you can GROW FORWARD and take care of creating your best life (only you can do that for yourself).

DOWNLOAD YOUR WEEK 14 WORKBOOK

Your journey continues.

Speaker | Trainer | Passion Igniter
trisha@passionigniter.ca
250.215.4313